As a young girl, I was full of life and had no worries. I enjoyed playing with my cousins and playing outside. Life was beautiful, I had no cares in the world. That was until I realized I wasn’t beautiful, well you know the pretty, skinny, light skin beautiful. I didn’t start looking in the mirror at my beauty until the third grade. I was in a new school so I had to make new friends. I was super dark because the summer days, I stayed outside to play. I was chunky, tall and had big hands and feet. I remember wearing an 11 size shoe in 4th grade. Crazy I know.

I remember though, the taunts and insults I received, “Jolly Black Giant” “Skillet” etc. How did these kids come up with these? Clever yes, but very hurtful. These were the days that I started seeing me in a way where I wanted boys approval, but that did not happen. I was never the pretty one. I was just the friend. All through junior high and high school I never had a boyfriend. The guys just seemed not to like me. Which was ok, kept me out of trouble you know.

Around 23-24 years old, so many men came through my life mostly to just have sex, others tried to have a relationship but I was so scorned that I did not even know how, although I craved and desired to be in a relationship. I thought they were just going to play me in the long run. I thought, why would they want me? I was still chunky and big. I really did not think I had a pretty face. I was all messed up in the head.

It took me until I was 25 years old to realize that I was beautiful. Maybe not the sexy beautiful but the rare beauty that was on the inside and came through on the outside.

I remember one key thing growing up in a superficial world, my mother, she always told me I was beautiful. I did not hear her until I was 25. There was a letter in the mail from her one day with the scripture

Psalms 139:13-14
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
written in it.

Yes, I was fearfully and wonderfully made. But it still did not fully click. I was like, these guys want a type a female which I was not.

I eventually got involved with a guy, my ex husband, and he wanted to wait till marriage for sex. That made me believe that he wanted me for me and then I thought he was the one. But in the marriage, he rejected me over and over again. But in that rejection I realized how beautiful I really was, my personality, my character, my attitude, my skin, my body, all of it! It was then when I did not need his or others validation to let me know how beautiful I was. After my divorce, I had a new and improved attitude. My walk and talk changed, I had pep in my step. I had so many hopes and dreams and I felt good. I was ready to live life without the approval of a man.

I will never forget the words my mom said to me all the time, that I was beautiful. I will never forget that God made me in His image. Although it took me a long time to figure it out, it came right on time. Now you can’t tell me nothing 🙂 I am the selfie queen! You may think, “oh she is vain” but when you see yourself in a different light you get proud and want to share your testimony. My testimony is through my pictures and words.

If you are reading this I really hope you know how beautiful you really are! Maybe people are not telling you and that is ok, you need to know it for yourself. I pray that you do beautiful people!

When did you first realize you were beautiful, and not in a sexual sense, but of true beauty? Tell me your story!

Peace and Blessings Beautiful People,
CicelyRenee